Emma and Elaina didn’t want the pressure and artifice of a big engagement moment. Neither of them wanted engagement rings, so instead, they took a weekend trip to Rehoboth Beach and called their loved ones on their drive home to announce their official engagement. While they were walking on the beach, a pod of dolphins started swimming parallel to them, just a few yards from shore. They decided that was the official moment of their engagement.
Even something as seemingly simple as deciding to not have engagement rings feels revolutionary in an industry that is saturated with must-have lists and top trends.
Terrain at Styer’s wedding
Emma and Elaina approached their Terrain at Styer’s wedding with continued thoughtfulness and curiosity. In lieu of a first dance, they opened up the dance floor to all of the queer guests, in a moment that brought me so much joy.
When I asked them what words of affirmation I could use throughout their photos, they shared that they actually disliked words of affirmation. This was a powerful example of how I was leading with assumption instead of asking what clients need. Their response changed the way I approached that question moving forward and made me so grateful that they were vulnerable enough to be transparent with me about how to best support them.
Prioritize your well-being when wedding planning
If you are getting married, I highly encourage you to prioritize your own well-being throughout the planning phase. Do what feels right to you and those you are in partnership alongside.
Cut your guest list in half (or ditch it completely, if you want to elope). Nix formal group photos if you’re only doing them to please family members who can’t go a minute without misgendering you. Tuck away during social hour to refuel (and eat!) for as long as you need. Wear what makes you comfortable, even if it wasn’t found at a “wedding” (intentionally not saying “bridal”) shop. Set boundaries so you can feel safer on a day that can be layered with a lot of triggered emotions.
Hire BIPOC and queer-owned wedding vendors
If you’re looking for suggestions for BIPOC and/or queer-owned wedding vendors in the Philadelphia area (like the incredible Jamya of DJ Jamz), I always send clients a list of affirming vendor recommendations. If you’d like to be added to the list, feel free to message me!
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